Even native English speakers often find themselves hesitating when deciding whether to use who or whom. Both are common pronouns, but their proper use follows very different grammar rules. 

If you’ve ever written an email and paused at the phrase “Who/Whom should I contact?” you’re not alone. Understanding the difference between who and whom will make your writing clearer, more professional, and grammatically correct.

This guide will break down the rules, provide simple tricks, give real-life examples, and even test your knowledge with a short quiz. By the end, you’ll feel confident about when to use who and when to use whom.

What’s the Difference Between Who and Whom?

The short answer:

• Who is a subject pronoun. It refers to the person performing the action in a sentence.
  
• Whom is an object pronoun. It refers to the person receiving the action in a sentence.
  

Think of it this way:

• Who = he, she, they (doer of the action)
  
• Whom = him, her, them (receiver of the action)
  

Example:

• Who baked this cake? → She baked this cake.
  
• For whom was the cake baked? → It was baked for him.
  

That’s the core difference between who and whom.

Grammar Rules for Who vs. Whom

Let’s explore the rules in detail so you’ll always know which pronoun to choose.

1. Use “Who” as the Subject of a Sentence

A subject is the “doer” of the action. If the pronoun is performing the verb, use who.

Examples:

• Who is calling you right now?
  
• This is the student who scored the highest marks.
  
• Do you know who wants to volunteer?
  

In each example, who is actively doing something — calling, scoring, or wanting.

2. Use “Whom” as the Object of a Verb or Preposition

If the pronoun is receiving the action or comes after a preposition, use whom.

Examples:

• To whom should I address this letter?
  
• She’s the person whom I trust the most.
  
• With whom are you traveling?
  

Here, whom is not performing an action but receiving it.

3. The Preposition Rule

Always use whom after a preposition like to, with, for, of, about, from.

Correct: For whom are you waiting?
Incorrect: For who are you waiting?

A Quick Trick to Decide Between Who and Whom

One of the easiest ways to figure out whether to use who or whom is to substitute the word with another pronoun:

• If you can replace it with he/she/they, use who.
  
• If you can replace it with him/her/them, use whom.
  

Examples:

• (Who/Whom) is going to the party? → She is going to the party → Correct: Who
  
• You met (who/whom) at the park? → You met him at the park → Correct: Whom
  

This substitution test works almost every time.

Difference Between Who and Whom Explained Simply

To simplify:

• Who acts like I, he, she, we, they. (subjective pronouns)
  
• Whom acts like me, him, her, us, them. (objective pronouns)
  

Think of who as the actor and whom as the acted upon.

Example:

• The writer who won the award is here. (He won the award.)
  
• The writer to whom the award was given is here. (The award was given to him.)
  

This makes the difference between who and whom much clearer.

Common Examples of Who vs. Whom

Correct Uses of Who

• Who told you the news? (He told you.)
  
• Do you know who runs this company? (She runs it.)
  
• The woman who helped me is very kind. (She helped me.)
  

Correct Uses of Whom

• Whom are you calling so late? (I am calling him.)
  
• The student to whom the prize was awarded is absent today. (The prize was awarded to her.)
  
• My cousin, with whom I share an apartment, is moving abroad. (I share with him.)

With Who vs. With Whom

This is one of the most debated grammar points. Technically:

• With whom = correct in formal writing.
  
• With who = common in casual speech but considered incorrect in strict grammar.
  

Examples:

• Formal: With whom are you going to the event?
  
• Informal: Who are you going with?
  

In professional writing (emails, essays, reports), always choose whom after prepositions.

Advanced Difference Between Who and Whom

Sometimes the difference gets tricky in complex sentences with clauses.

Example:

• A group of players joined the tournament, one of whom was my brother.
  

Here, whom is correct because it refers to one of them.

Another example:

• She’s the person who inspired me to write. (She inspired me.)
  
• She’s the person whom I admire. (I admire her.)
  

Breaking the sentence into smaller parts helps identify the subject and object.

Why Does “Whom” Feel Old-Fashioned?

In modern English, whom is becoming less common in everyday speech. Most people use who in casual conversations, even when whom is technically correct.

Examples you’ll hear often:

• Who are you talking to? (instead of Whom are you talking to?)
  
• Who did you see yesterday? (instead of Whom did you see yesterday?)
  

However, in formal writing, academic papers, job applications, and professional communication, using whom correctly shows strong command of English.

Grammar Quiz: Who vs. Whom

Let’s test your understanding. Fill in the blanks with who or whom.

1. (Who/Whom) is responsible for this decision?
   
2. She’s the manager (who/whom) everyone respects.
   
3. To (who/whom) should I speak about this problem?
   
4. They hired the candidate (who/whom) impressed the board.
   
5. (Who/Whom) are you meeting tonight?
   
6. My neighbor, with (who/whom) I play tennis, is very friendly.
   
7. (Who/Whom) left the door open?
   
8. The teacher, one of (who/whom) is retiring, gave a farewell speech.

Answer Key

1. Who
   
2. Whom
   
3. Whom
   
4. Who
   
5. Whom
   
6. Whom
   
7. Who
   
8. Whom

Read Must : Difference Between Shall and Will: A Complete Guide

Final Thoughts: Mastering the Difference Between Who and Whom

The difference between who and whom comes down to grammar roles: subject vs. object. While who is used for the subject (the doer), whom is used for the object (the receiver of action).

To recap:

• Use who = he, she, they → subject.
  
• Use whom = him, her, them → object.
  
• After prepositions, always use whom.
  
• In casual conversation, whom is often replaced by who, but formal writing requires correct usage.
  

By applying these rules, testing with substitution, and practicing with examples, you’ll quickly get comfortable deciding between who and whom.

So next time you pause while writing an email or essay, remember this simple trick: he/she = who, him/her = whom. It’s the fastest way to get it right.